mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
