I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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