I don't usually arrange sex via text message
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
