does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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