I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
