Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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