i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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