I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
