so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
