just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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