is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
