So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
