Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
