lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
