I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
