If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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