And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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