just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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