Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
