that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
