i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
