I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
