I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
