I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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