I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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