If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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