hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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