Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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