i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
