I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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