i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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