Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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