Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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