someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
