Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
