i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
