a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
