I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize