Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
