He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
