what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This is the high leading the old right now
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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