Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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