you would pick up someone in the library
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
