A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
