i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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