I cockslap morals
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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