the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
