Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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