Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
