She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
