so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
