I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
