I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
