You're my little dorito
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
