Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
