I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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