i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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