Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
