Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
