Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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