playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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