take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
