i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
