Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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