11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
