well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
